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Issues 1-7, Ollie Steel...
Weaving In And Out first hit the terraces on 24th January 1998,
midway through our championship season, produced by surely the youngest fanzine
editor in the country; me. It came out just a few weeks after the passing of Jack
Goodchild. The name of this fanzine was inspired by Jack. Growing up (metaphorically)
‘behind the goal’, I remember Jack always coming down to have a sing-song
during the 2nd half of every game. I wanted the fanzine to take its name from
one of the great songs he used to teach our motley young gang. Potential titles
included “C’mon Lads”, “We’ve Still Got Johnny Whing”
and “Get Off The Touchline!”. But “Weaving In And Out”
from “Sons Of Kingstonian” won through.
The first issue cost just 30p for a 16-page publication. Only
60 were ever produced and these were quickly snapped by the crowd of 704 against
Basingstoke (2-0, Corbett & Leworthy).
With all the various Murphy et al fanzines having come to the
end of their respective lives, the only other K’s publication on sale at
the time was Kool For K’s - the established fanzine (I think they were up
to about issue 11 when WIAO came out). The competition wasn’t too fierce;
the crowds K’s got back in ‘em days easily supported two fanzines,
especially as we appealed (sometimes!) to different markets and always came out
on different matchdays. Nevertheless there were always a few cheap jibes exchanged!
After saying the price would never go up in the issue 2 editorial,
it inevitably did in issue 3 to an extortionate 50p. But you got more paper for
your money. And Ali was now on board producing the front covers, so it looked
a bit better too.
The idea of WIAO was to give a little something back to the
club, and by the time issue 4 had come around, enough money had been raised for
our first sponsorship; Eddie Akuamoah’s shorts. We didn’t get any
recognition for it until a couple of months later, but I guess that’s what
happens if you’re naive enough to give Chris Kelly a brown envelope with
cash in (yes, that really did happen). I hope Eddie liked the shorts we got him.
The Trophy runs, FA Cup exploits and Conference trips runs
were great as there was always loads to write about. Some of it was even funny
or interesting. Occasionally both. Very occasionally.
One of the best, almost regular, features was the interviews
carried out, firstly by Richard Atkinson and later by Taimour Lay. It was something
that the programme and other K’s fanzines used to do, but sadly grew out
of, and way before the days of K’s Web’s live downloadable audio snippets.
So, for me, it was a nice way of bringing the fans back in contact with the players,
manager and even the Chief Exec (whatever happened to that Kelly bloke?). How
else would we know Mark Harris once played against George Weah and that Scott
Corbett is “a bit thick”?
In 2000 I left the Royal Borough to go to university. There
was no way I could carry on WIAO myself. Luckily, one of my two biggest contributors
of the time, Ali, agreed to take on the editorial challenge. By the time the reigns
were handed over, the print run varied from 150-200 copies per issue. Ali reshaped
the fanzine into the neat and ordered publication you see today, away from the
traditional cut and paste style that I preferred! To be honest, I was relieved
to take a back seat, as it is a lot of work, ultimately the main reason for the
demise of many a fanzine.
I’d like to thank everyone who has ever bought a copy
of WIAO, especially my early efforts. In our small way we have helped the club,
and hopefully provided a bit of light entertainment on the way. I’d like
to think that this isn’t the end, but until crowds start picking up again,
we get something good to write about and the internet dies it could be. But never
say never.
Ollie
Issues 8-20, Ali Kazemi...
Following a short break, the all-new Weaving In And Out hit
the terraces on 4 April 2000. Ollie, deciding that his studies deserved more attention
in order to get him into university, handed to someone already at university who
had decided that football deserved more attention.
My three years at Southampton would have worked fine for a
Ryman League side, though it just happened that those were our three northerly-based
Conference years. It made it all the more memorable and those are days that I
will indeed never forget. With the football reaching new peaks, I was working
on my first K’s website and taking on the fanzine too was instinctive. Dedicating
the evenings and weekends from K’s to studies would have no doubt upped
my grades a touch, but I have no regrets – especially as I was never inclined
to spend more than the absolute necessary studying economic theory anyway.
What did I have for that first issue (8)? Almost nothing really
– apart from the (very meaningful) support of Ollie. He gave me a few old
copies, a couple of letters and ideas, along with details of what turned out to
be an excellent printing company. The first cover was an attention-grabbing bright
yellow job, and although the presentation style was different to Ollie’s,
the content was still traditional WIAO fodder. With one critical exception, that
was. For the ‘spotlight on Geoff Chapple’ was our introduction to
a new level of quality writing, courtesy of Taimour’s efforts. Also introduced
to our readership was the threat of the spreading Kappa Slappas – funny
stuff. Well, we thought so anyway.
Issue 9 followed pretty soon after. It was actually the shortest
gap I’ve had between issues. Pretty similar in style to the previous issue,
the humour bank had certainly not dried up yet – Ali G voyaged into Surrey
to cause his havoc. These issues had been produced in almost traditional manner
as, despite being done on the computer, I still had to physically put the thing
together and then send it off hoping that the postal service would get it right
– they inevitably did, but couriers are another story that we will be touching
upon later…
Settling into a three-issues-per-season routine, issue 10 brought
the advent of a sophisticated new production system – email. Yup, despite
taking about half an hour to send the thing on the simple dial-up internet connection
of the day, this fanzine – at the peak of its 200-copy print runs –
was now an efficient production. I could hold back even react to midweek matches
preceding the release date. Pranking Sutton United is not big and it’s not
clever either. It is, however, funny, as this issue demonstrated.
Having not seen the hard copy that would be produced at the
other end before going to print, a couple of things didn’t fully work in
that issue – like, the logo was out of sorts. All fixed for the next issue,
and number 11 had one of my favourite front covers, with Geoff Chapple beckoning
all-comers for his winners-elect in the FA Cup through his rose-tinted glasses.
We were introduced to the zany Ivor Bowntapik whilst Mark Murphy responded to
a call for “try to fill as many pages as you can” with a five-page
classic on the greatest Kingstonian goals. Meanwhile, long distance K’s
supporter Rory Stanbridge penned the first of many an interesting article.
A return to the yellow that served so well in my first issue
this time signed danger, for issue 12 was a nightmare thanks to some good-for-nothing
courier company. Having failed to deliver first on the Friday and then Saturday,
the bumper crowd against Yeovil had been missed and release was knocked back a
week. Things were starting to go wrong off the field too, but it was all brought
into perspective with Simon Murray’s write up on our charity game at Nuneaton.
As that particular season ended, we got relegated, I got my
degree, and duly went off for some months to the States. Just as well that I missed
the start of season 2001/02, for Bill Williams and his expensive side made a real
mess of things. Issue 13 held fire until I came back, the look-alikes started,
and equally unwelcome, so did the first in a string of pieces on administration.
Having flirted with what I suspect are the biggest print runs a K’s fanzine
has ever done, of 200, for three of our Conference issues, WIAO was now on its
accustomed 150 copies per release.
Looking back on things, issue 14 is probably my least favourite,
but did well with the latest in of a number of witty (I like to think so) back
covers, this time with Chris Kelly’s mug plastered across a mock CK One
advert. Plans for expansion were underway, meanwhile. Big plans.
Something to look back upon with personal satisfaction for
me is issue 15. Having toyed with the idea for a while, WIAO finally entered the
market as a “one pound” fanzine almost exactly two years ago. Filling
24-pages was tough enough, so the plan was to always to move up to a 32-page format,
but all the stops were pulled out for this particular issue to make it a bumper
48-page special. Opening up to the possibility of (real!) advertisements, contributor
Rory Stanbridge kindly took up our three-issue deal (later again renewed), thus
allowing us to put some gloss onto our wonderful new full colour covers.
Building on the brief matchday previews, the 16th issue saw
the start of a line of regular ‘away’ columns written by the likes
of two-time guesting champion Taz. I’ve really enjoyed these articles from
other clubs, and they’re all credited along with our regulars at the end
of this issue. A real mix of articles – K’s were back, and so most
definitely too was WIAO!
My favourite front cover photo, even over the Geoff Chapple
one, has to be issue 17’s. I don’t to this day know whether Santa
Kim realised the set-up, even after I told him to pull a face and wave his arms
about… Inside, it certainly was a case of managers past and, well, past
again as we looked back upon Steve Sedgley’s year at K’s and the antics
of the holidaying Williams. Ollie’s letters showed that we were still in
fine pranking form.
The curse of the inept courier company struck again a year
ago for issue 18. This time, by sticking an incorrect address label on top of
a correct one and hence confusing themselves. And so a Saturday morning trip to
Byfleet was called for your determined editor. This time, fortunately, WIAO did
make its release as planned. Inside, we caught up Aussie-based former K’s
player Paulo De Souza. Back cover feature George Borg seems to have some history
with K’s fanzines, being vilified as some kind of monster. Rightly so, and
the Shots fans on the day enjoyed our ‘Borg the Builder’ feature,
courtesy of Doylie (which I forgot to mention at the time – sorry).
Being editor is rather time consuming, and editing articles,
arranging them, making covers, fillings gaps etc has left me with generally no
time to pen my own articles as such. Even when the opportunity arises, I need
something to go on in the first place. Which is why I enjoyed chronicling our
travels to Scotland and France in issue 19. A final story from me (anyone remember
my ‘paying the penalty’ way back in Ollie’s issue 5?!), and
a final piece here.
I’ve enjoyed writing this, looking through the old fanzines
and the memories that go with them. If you’re missing any, I’m afraid
that there are no back-issues around at all apart from the last one (ie issue
19). I’d be more than willing, however, to lend out a copy of my own though.
Plus, there’s also the fanzine website which features about half of all
our articles.
Hopefully you’ll enjoy this issue, as I hope you have
the previous ones. We’ve tried, and thanks to everyone who has contributed
(page 31), Ollie and Rich for doing loads & helping sell them and finally
K’s for simply being interesting!
My reasons for packing up are that I just can’t keep
doing it – my free ‘football’ time is spent heavily on the club
website, writing reports for the paper etc. You won’t be rid of me that
easily! None of the guys have said they can take it on, and our general opinion
is that Weaving In And Out has simply runs its course. It has been a pleasure.
Ali
back up top
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THE ALTERNATIVE END OF SEASON
AWARDS
WIAO brings you the sixth alternative end of season awards.
The previous awards have appeared in the following issues: 3 (1998), 6 (1999),
9 (2000), 15 (2002), 18 (2003), with last year’s winners in brackets.
1. The shorthand notebook award for player no longer with the
club of the season (Graeme Tomlinson):
Trevor Jones RIP
2. The ceramic hippo award for sloppiest goal of the season
(Grant Payne at Purfleet):
’Goal’…?!
3. The I'm parked on a red route award for miss of the season
(Danny Lavender of Leatherhead failing to find the net from the penalty spot again):
Stafford Browne at Bognor
4. The rusty pelican award for celebration of the season (Winning
penalty at Leatherhead):
Stoppage time winner at St Albans
5. The fridge magnet award for best haircut (Tim Sills):
Max ‘the style’ Hustwick
6. The glass fruit bowl award for the worst haircut (Kim Harris):
Helmut ‘the helmet’ Dayo
7. The radio award for disappearing into obscurity (Chris Kelly):
Ronnie Green
8. The tree mug best away ground award (Grays – purely
on bar/hospitality):
Bognor Regis
9. The egg whisk worst away ground award (Hampton):
Ford
10. The car jack award for the friendliest away fans (Bedford):
Bishop’s Stortford
11. The BSE award for nicest burgers (Ford):
Bedford
12. The colour photocopier nicest barmaids if you know what
I mean award (Leatherhead):
Kingstonian
13. The where are you in the league award for only singing
when you're winning (Sutton):
Canvey Island
14. The onion, pepper & celery award for song of the season
(Anything that doesn’t involve banging on the Kingsmeadow advertising boards):
Nothing new, so back to an old classic and “Sons of Kingstonian”
15. The car insurance biggest rip off of the season award (Canvey
admission prices):
Kettering admission prices
16. The Vinny Jones hard man of the season award (Julian Sills
for walking off the pitch at Hendon, driving home, going to work the next day
– all without realising that he had a broken leg!):
Craig Lewington for suffering a six inch hold in his leg at Hornchurch and
then still wanting to have a go
17. The frog and chicken award for friendliest away goalkeeper
(Scott Tarr (Basingstoke)):
Micky Desborough (Bishop’s Stortford)
18. The Massimo Taibi goalkeeping ‘moment’ of the
season award (unavailable):
Tony Tucker (Hayes)
19. The durex wanker of the season award (John-Kelly Pollard
(Heybridge)):
George Borg
20. The white elephant award for the opposing player you felt
most sorry for (Outstanding Chesham goalkeeper Delroy Preddie for having so many
knocked past him by K’s):
Carshalton’s John Hamsher for breaking his leg for the third time in
eighteen months
21. The lion the witch and the wardrobe award for why the hell
didn't you do that for us (Still Lee ‘league top scorer’ Boylan):
Lee ‘I’m gonna score hundreds of goals now’ Boylan
22. The silk flowers heart on sleeve award (Adrian Jones):
Mark Beard
23. The carriage clock special player achievement award (Matt
Elverson, seven years after his K’s debut, pushing his way back into the
first team):
The current players on more than a hundred K’s appearances: Bashiru Alimi,
Liam Collins, Matt Elverson, Max Hustwick, Lance Key, Phil Wingfield
24. The bacon butty overall special achievement (Kim Harris
– surviving on a shoe-string):
Every K’s-ite on and off the field
back up top
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By Mark Murphy, in a personal capacity
At the time of writing, Ks Trust general meetings have been
vastly outnumbering Ks home games. And certain aspects of these meetings have
become as predictable as score draws on the pitch against sides in the bottom
third of the table. Because, you see, Ks need an all-powerful individual with
lots of money otherwise we won’t survive at this level. I mean look at other
clubs such as… er… um… Well, anyway, it’s all the council’s
fault. Because if they hadn’t done what they did when we were at Richmond
Road, y’know, find us a new ground & do NOTHING to prevent us, a private
club, overspending on building said ground. Not to mention overspending even more
so on putting a simple roof over one end at three times the original budget, before
doing the same to the whole ground, spending hundreds of thousands on… er…
DECREASING the capacity of the athletics track end so that it holds 200 less than
the smaller (& covered by an expensive rust-bucket) Kingston Road end.
Yes, I’m angry. I’ve chaired these more-frequent-than-home
games occasions. And, as Chair, I have to sit through the same old same old. We
need a sugar daddy. That’ll solve everything. Bloody council. They’ve
done nothing. Not even gifted us a load of council-taxpayers money. “Mere”
supporters can’t run a football club. What do we have after all? No expertise.
None of us have lives. Or jobs in areas that might assist a football club to solve
the great financial riddle of how such a club can spend money it doesn’t
have & somehow end up in debt. And we’ll all let our hearts rule our
heads. Because “you kids” won’t fancy it when it gets to February.
Apart from the “you kids” phrase, which serves
as something of an ego-boost for a 38 year-old has-been/never was like myself,
it’s bullshit opinion. But, as Chair of Trust meetings, I have to let it
go because everyone is entitled to their opinion, whatever it smells of. I’m
happy to do so in one sense, because it is my job to allow everyone to put forward
his or her twopennorth. But it tires me to have to intervene on “points
of fact” so often. A pound to the Emergency Appeal for every time I’ve
heard that the council could stop the assignment of the Kingsmeadow lease to AFC
Wimbledon & it could meet the rest of its target from programme profits alone.
Or a tenner for every time I’ve been told that the AFC Wimbledon friendly
was “supposed to pay the rent.” And, of course, we’ve got to
“unite”, “pull in the same direction” “all be for
the same thing.” (eighty-four votes to two for the Trust’s takeover
bid seems to be what to unite behind, but we’ll move on).
Well, here is the news. Individual control of Kingstonian Football
Club down the years has been a failure. Some would say a disaster. But I wasn’t
around to comment on the apparent schism between town & club back in the days
when Frank Bentall dominated one & Sammy Emms dominated the other. And I was
only in my formative Ks years when I got first sight of the unfathomable clique
system surrounding the then chairman Freddie Jones (however, don’t talk
to me about Chris Kelly).
As for the council. Well, I’m reminded of a phrase used
by a former General Secretary of my union when he was addressing a particularly
exasperating meeting of the union’s National Executive Committee. Some of
our more, shall we say, “left-wing” colleagues were on their traditional
“its all capitalism’s fault” rants. If only we’d voted
Socialist Alliance, or whatever their knitting circle was called that week, all
our problems would be solved. Likewise, if we’d “built the fight-back
in the offices”, whatever that may have meant. Well, said the General Secretary,
“We all know where we’d like to be. But we have to deal with where
we are.” And whatever the council may or may not have done in the late eighties
or early nineties (in negotiations with a certain Kingstonian Football Club, lest
we forget) is about as relevant as the colour of my underpants (& probably
less smelly… no… NO… I didn’t say that).
We lost the lease to the ground because a board of directors,
whose qualification for their directorship was money & money which Chris Kelly
approved of, nearly bankrupted us & brought the Inland Revenue to within seven
days of finishing us off because they didn’t pay their taxes. NOT because
of lack of council action. As I, & many of my current colleagues on the board,
have been saying since day one of the Trust, these days the Council is looking
at the very least to being SEEN to be helping us. And, frankly, in areas such
as negotiating with AFC Wimbledon over the terms of the second lease, they’ve
not only been seen to help us, they’ve helped us.
And, actually, I’ll go back on what I said about the
“you kids” thing not being bullshit opinion. My colleagues on the
Trust Board may, for the most part, be a good deal younger than my 38 years. But
if you’re good enough, you’re old enough. There’s no Masonic-style
secret to running a football club. If there is such a secret, then no-one associated
with the decision-making process in this club in recent years is in on it. Supporting
a football club of this size for many years is as good a qualification, if not
a better one, than wearing an FA badge on your blazer, or saying you’re
a very good friend of everybody who can spell football properly, or even simply
knowing what Molesey’s chairman is up to. Take a good look at the people
who’ve claimed down the years that they know the job. Then examine their
actual track record in football. More often than not, it won’t stand up
to close scrutiny.
I keep hearing how wonderful Kingstonian supporters are. And
I keep seeing for myself how true that is. Even as recently as Kettering &
that amazing turnout at Bognor. And this is a group of people who know better
than anyone what Kingstonian is all about. A group that knows the market. Because
the group are the market. A group that knows the product because the group watch
the product. And, more than any group of people, this group FUNDS the product.
Who else is better qualified to direct the club, run the club & give it the
best possible chance of success?
Mark
back up top
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The visit of St Albans last Saturday marked K’s first
game at Kingsmeadow for exactly two months, ending a run of seven consecutive
away games. Weaving in and Out caught up with club captain Mark Beard shortly
after the full time whistle.
From the terraces it was a frustrating afternoon – as
has been the case too many times this year, K’s failed to convert their
chances and paid the price. A view shared by the skipper – “For one
reason or another we’ve not been scoring goals, as was the case today. If
you look back at most of the games this season we’ve had control without
ever taking our chances and today chances went begging and we’ve come off
two-one losers again.”
An unfortunate, but familiar story for K’s over the last
seven months – “I think we’ve underachieved this season to be
fair. After a positive start, a few draws and a few wins we were up there, but
for one reason or another, and you can’t always blame the off-field problems,
we just haven’t produced on the pitch. For a club this big in non-league
standards it just hasn’t been good enough this season.”
Despite Mark’s reluctance to place the blame purely at
the feet of off-field problems, it can’t have helped the side with the current
uncertainty surrounding the club?
“Up until today the mood in the dressing room’s
been alright – since the meeting a few weeks ago things were looking up
with the Trust taking over, but it’s been a while now and myself and other
senior players have got mortgages to pay, so we’re desperate to get the
money situation sorted out. He [Khosla] is still Chairman and while he is Chairman
he should be paying the wages.”
A similar situation to that a couple of years ago when Beard
was one of those forced out of the club when the administrators were first called
in. In the hot seat at that time was Bill Williams, one of three managers Beard
has played under at K’s. “He was a bit of a loon! He knew the non-league
scene really well, but he would scream and shout to get the best out of players,
a bit too aggressive I think – but I got on well with him.”
And what about the man who signed him, Geoff Chapple? The man
who transformed the club from mid-table Isthmian League obscurity, took the club
to the promised land of the Conference and back-to-back FA Trophy success? “I
never really rated him myself. Geoff had a good reputation as a non-league manager
and I know the fans loved him, but I think he always had a good number two with
him, a good coach – Ian MacDonald when I was there.”
It was under Chapple that produced both the high and low points
of Beard’s K’s career to date in what turned out to be our last year
in the Conference – “The biggest low has to be relegation that year,
[and the highs] obviously the FA Cup run, and that year we got to the League Cup
final as well. Once we’d got to the third round [of the FA Cup], every time
the draw came up we were gutted not to draw Arsenal or Man Utd.”
But Beard did get a crack at Arsenal back in January of 95
where not only was he part of the Millwall side which won the 3rd Round replay
by two goals to nil, but he opened the scoring in front of the North Bank that
evening. It was at Millwall where Beard began his career, playing with current
Premier League players such as Ben Thatcher and Alex Rae. With consistent performances
he fast became a crowd favourite at The Den and attracted interest from elsewhere.
From Millwall Beard travelled up north, aged just 20 and for
£120,000 signed for Sheffield United. “At United I played with some
unbelievable players – Ian Rush, Dean Saunders, Don Hutchinson, Paul McGrath
was probably one of the best. The team at Sheffield United had about eight internationals
and I’d turn up for training every day and couldn’t believe who was
in the dressing room. Players like Brian Deane, Jan-Aage Fjortoft – I could
keep going on and on.”
From Sheffield United it was back south for the first of two
two-year spells with Southend, his first spell at K’s sandwiched in the
middle. So, a mixed group of clubs to keep an eye out for results every week?
“I always look out for Millwall, Sheffield United and Man United as well,
who I supported as a boy. I’m going to Millwall next Sunday for their semi
final [in the FA Cup at Old Trafford against Sunderland].”
Only three former clubs to look out for then. Which isn’t
bad compared to Brother-in-Law Geoff Pitcher. “We call him the Loan (sic)
Ranger, he’s playing everywhere! It would be good to see him back but I
don’t think the Trust could afford his wages – maybe we could get
a sponsor!”
Kingstonian aren’t the only case where off-field activities
seem to be almost as dominant on the back pages. The last week has seen Rio Ferdinand’s
eight-month ban for missing his drugs test upheld by an FA panel. “I think
the punishment was really harsh. He was stupid to miss the test but he did take
another test two days later which was negative. I think a two or three game ban
and a big fine would have been enough, but I don’t think it’s just
the FA. Fifa got involved and put them under a bit of pressure which was bad,
especially making him miss the European Championships.”
Indeed, Mark has had experience of drugs testing first hand.
“I had three tests last year. They come in, and put the twenty squad numbers
in a hat and then draw out three. I got drawn out three times out of three at
Southend. It’s a bit of a pain because they stand over you and wait until
you produce a sample which can be two hours if you’ve just trained and you’re
dehydrated.”
And how will England suffer from Ferdinand’s omission
from the Euro 2004 squad – can we do it? “I think France are too good,
and there’s too many better teams than us. Up front Owen’s had a bad
season, Rooney’s quality but too young and at the back we’ll miss
Ferdinand. Saying that we’ve got a hard group, but if we can get out of
it you never know, but I think France are going to be very strong.”
Away from football, relaxing can prove to be a bit of a problem
with six-year-old twins to keep him busy, but when he gets the chance he enjoys
eating out with ‘the missus’ or just chilling out listening to some
R&B – if he can wrestle the kids away from their Britney Spears CD’s!
And one final thing which we just couldn’t leave unresolved
– is it Beardo or Beardy? “Beardy definitely! All the fans at K’s
and at Southend sing Beardo, but all the lads say Beardy – I don’t
mind which really!”
So, we left “Beardy” to wrestle his kids away from
their Britney Spears CD’s and enjoy his Saturday night, wishing him well
for the game against Sutton on Tuesday, and for the rest of the season, sharing
the hope that next season will bring some much needed certainty and stability
to the club free from Khosla’s reign.
Simon
back up top
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IVOR BOWNTAPIK TELLS IT LIKE IT
IS
For the last time ever, Ivor Bowntapik sorts things out
once and for all
It’s been two bloody years since I wrote one of these
things and what’s changed? Bloody nothing – that’s what. That
Kelly bloke finally realised it was time to go and f#@&ed off but all we got
was some other idiot in his place. And what the hell good has he done for this
club? Bloody none – that’s what. I ask you. When’s he gonna
f#@& off as well?
Course I haven’t been going since you last heard from
me but when that Kazemi bloke asked me to write something for his last issue I
couldn’t say no really. Nobody really listens to me any more, but that’s
probably ‘cos I spend most of my time on my own now. People knock on the
door sometimes but I just can’t be bothered getting up. All they do is ask
if I’m alright. Course I’m bloody alright – be dead otherwise
wouldn’t I?!
Anyway, what’s all this crap I hear about a trust? What
the hell good is a trust? What are they gonna do? Truss everyone up so nobody
can leave? Bloody pathetic it is - the whole thing. Here we are with the best
manager, the best players, playing in the best ground in the league and we’re
how many millions in debt? Bloody rubbish it is. Get that Kelly bloke back in
charge I say – at least he paid the taxman on time.
Oh that’s right, he didn’t though did he? Well
what the hell is going on? Does nobody pay any bloody tax any more?! I remember
paying half my wages over to the taxman right from my first day down in the mines.
Seven years old I was and glad to do my bit!! I ask you.
But these kids today think they can get away with murder don’t
they? And the thing is the bloody police let them. Drives me nuts it does!! There
I was the other day, minding my own business when some young lout came up and
tried to nick my digital camera!! I couldn’t believe it – in broad
daylight and in the middle of the shops as well!!
Course when the police came he claimed he was a bloody security
guard for the shop I was in, and that I was taking photos of the women in the
changing rooms. But I know his game – get me thrown out of the shop so that
he can get some good photos for himself. But I’ll be back. He doesn’t
know that I’ve just got a new phone and that’s got a camera in too.
Bloody idiot!!
Anyway, I’ve been keeping my eye on the results recently
but they’ve been bloody rubbish!! That Stratford Brown bloke’s scored
one proper goal all year. One?! In how many bloody matches?! I ask you. And don’t
tell me about his goal at Banstead – my old Gran could have scored against
that Banstead lot. And she’s been dead forty-one years this coming Christmas.
And what’s all this crap about a bloody strike? When
that Kim bloke signed him he did say he was a striker, but that’s just taking
the p*ss. In my day we didn’t strike. We were just glad of the chance to
get out of the mines we were. Course that’s when men were real men. Not
like these bloody pansies we’ve got today. I ask you.
Anyway it’s time I stopped. The bloody nurse has just
knocked on the window to tell me it’s time to take my blue pills. Still
those are good ones they are. Keep you regular they do. Not as good as my purple
ones mind, but she’ll bring them later tonight when we’re alone. Come
back to K’s? Stuff that – I’ve got enough enjoyment here to
last me a lifetime!! I tell you – Viagra beats Khosla any day of the week.
IB
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WHATEVER HAPPENED (TO WIAO)
January 1998, the Spice Girls were number one in the charts,
teenage Japanese schoolgirls had yet to hear of David Beckham and Kingstonian
were coming off a poor December – in fact a disappointing start to what
was going to be THE season. Tucked away from the howling wind behind the home
tea bar stood a small ginger cider-drinking boy (as opposed to small ginger cider-drinking
man, Mark…), Ollie Steel, paying his own little tribute to dear old Jack
Goodchild on the front cover of what was a new fanzine. By his own admission it
was rather tatty and appeared to have been written during a school lunch break
or perhaps even a boring maths lesson. It was little more than a couple of photocopied
handwritten doodles and cuttings from that week’s local paper about Jack
or the club. The front cover had a picture of Jack with the words taken “WEAVING
IN AND OUT” scrawled above it.
Six years, nineteen issues and one change of editor later,
WIAO’s journey has finally come to an end. It just so happens that those
have also been some of the most turbulent years (even by Kingstonian standards)
in the club’s history. The St Albans game at the turn of that first year
was the first victory in a run that saw K’s take 48 points from the remaining
57, goalkeepers Stuart McKenzie and Jerome John splitting 14 clean sheets (evenly)
between them, whilst the goalscorers had plenty of fun knocking 4 goals past Sutton,
5 past Carshalton and 7 past Walton & Hersham. The rest, as they say is history,
and thus adequately proving the point made several times in a soon-to-be defunct
fanzine that “it’s what you do between January and May that counts”.
The celebrations on that Championship-winning Thursday night
in Oxford and the journey back that followed were memorable. The next season provided
trips to places such as Morecambe, Southport & Doncaster – and the numerous
stories to fill pages with. Memorable ones being Tim Bell’s headlong dive
into the bushes at Membury service station, and yours truly almost decapitating
myself on the train back from Farnborough. By now the fanzine had a regular set
of contributors, mainly form what was very loosely but quite accurately called
the “Behind The Goal Gang”, and a loyal readership. Things continued
in the right direction for both WIAO and the club in the first Conference season,
ending with Tarkan Mustafa’s winner against Forest Green Rovers at Wembley.
Things could not get any better, or could they… The 5th best club in non-league
football returned to 363 days later to make it Cheatering Town 2-3 Heroes!!! Enough
said.
From that almighty peak things started to go a bit Leek-shaped
(in a Lee Boylan wide from two yards kind of way) both on the field and in the
WIAO office (aka Ali’s bedroom), as Mark Murphy quite eloquently put it
in a previous issue “From Bristol City to Brockenhurst”. To be fair
the team was decimated through unfortunate injuries in this period, Ali almost
getting knocked out celebrating a goal against Hereford, Little Dave being put
out of action on a coach journey following a game of “Mallet’s Mallet”
using a large empty Dr Pepper bottle and then there was also my cracked collar
bone celebrating Geoff Pitcher’s winner at Gravesend. We always seemed to
however bounce back from these setbacks, but could not handle the inevitable when
we were relegated.
We lost rising star Taimour to Oxford (and to think we used
to jibe him for all those broadsheets on the coaches). With a surname like Steel
it was inevitable that Ollie would land up in his spiritual yet somewhat dirty
home of Sheffield. Funky Monkey disappeared from K’s and turned up a few
years later in what has to go down as one of the worst career moves in history
by advertising ITV digital. Big Ash has become Even-Bigger Ash and was considering
changing his name by deed poll to Richard, until it was pointed out to him what
his new nickname would have been. Little Dave (now Tall-Lanky Dave) was last seen
in America auditioning for the lead role in a new Hollywood film remaking of the
cult kids TV show Roland Rat. Robbie & Jobbie got caught in the lobby by a
bobby and innocent little Sarah moved from Auto Windscreens to become LDV (Vans).
Simon & Karen moved over to table one, got marries and now have a baby boy
called Joshua – unfortunately it was not a girl called Jessica Amy (or Jess
A Bell for short) but there’s still time. I have been busy working on my
new celebrity diet, whilst we lost Gary Lee to Derby and John Tolley took early
retirement and went into music. Barry became James and Ross became Julie (but
only at weekends).
So all good things must come to an end, and even the sublime
like this fanzine (you knew told you I’d edit it!! – ed) must too.
It is time for us here at WIAO to throw away our joke books, stop scouting for
humorous football-related stories and cease taking the piss out of Sutton…
Well, then again…
The club is about to go through a huge period of change which
I believe will be beneficial to its long-term stability. I urge all of you to
back the trust in their efforts to secure the future of this great club we all
love. This fanzine was set up as one man’s tribute to a great K’s
fan – what better tribute to Jack can we pay than by ensuring that the club
survives through all the hardship it currently finds itself in.
So, WIAO has come to its natural end. It was not the first
K’s fanzine and I am sure that it wont be the last. Sometime in the future
another publication will appear somewhere around Kingsmeadow – I hope that
it does – but be warned as Mr Murphy, who knows a bit about being a fanzine
editor, said to me last week, “Nowadays all fanzines editors are running
football clubs”…
Thanks for your Support
COME ON YOU K’S!!!
Richard
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Our heartfelt fans go to everyone who has helped out with
the fanzine over the years. All our contributors are listed below, in appearance
order, and with their number of ‘caps’ in brackets.
Issues 1-7
Editor: Ollie Steel
K’s-ites: Ian Gray (1), The Big Eared One (2), Adrian
Sandiford (1), Dan Cullinan (1), Richard Atkinson (5), Ali Kazemi (5), Jon Tolley
(4), Gavin Hall (1), Mark Murphy (2), Kasper Pincis (1), Kevin Singfield (1),
Greg Nutt (1), Simon Bell (3), Tim Bell (1), Simon Murray (1)
Guests: Steve (Cheltenham)
Honorary: Jerome John, Mark Harris
Issues 8-20
Editor: Ali Kazemi
K’s-ites: Ollie Steel (12), Richard Atkinson (12), Taimour
Lay (8), Ashley Garrett (1), Dave Manley (1), Simon Bell (2), Gary Ekins (7),
Ross Logan (1), Mark Murphy (10), Simon Murray (7), Mark Langhorn (1), Rory Stanbridge
(10), Ivor Bowntapik (5), Edward Davey MP (1), Roger Sims (2), Richard Exworthy
(1), Andy Carbs (1), Paul Stone (1), David Crawt (1), Mark Adams (1), Simon Grier
(1)
Guests: Mark Edwards (Stevenage), HHH (Yeovil), Taz (Sutton),
Stefan Rance (Hampton), Colin Head (Bromley), John Glover fan club (Welling),
Tony Sharp (Aldershot), Nick Bell (Hayes)
Honorary: Geoff Chapple, Joe O’Connor, Gary Patterson,
Chris Kelly, Mark Beard, Eddie Saunders, Ian McDonald, Jimmy Glass, Steve Sedgley,
Bashiru Alimi, Lance Key, Ivor Heller, Phil Wingfield, Paulo De Souza
The End.
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