|
IVOR BOWNTAPIK TELLS IT LIKE IT
IS
After being missed in the last issue about as much as Steve
McKimm, Ivor Bowntapik returns with more pointless prattling.
I’m told there were some letters asking why there was
no article from me in the last issue. Well I’ve got something to say to
all those who wrote in: p*** off and mind your own bloody business!! I’m
allowed to have a life aren’t I? Well bloody well let me live it then!!
I ask you. It’s not like I’ve even got that long left!!
Anyway, if you’re really interested in why there was
no article then I’ll tell you. Because it doesn’t bloody well matter
anymore does it? The football I mean. Honestly – what a load of crap. As
soon as that fat Patmore bloke scored that tap-in for that Woking lot then that
was it wasn’t it? Might as well have packed up, gone home and come back
in August. At least that Conference thing had three teams going down – exciting
last season wasn’t it? - not like this one. What a waste of time. I ask
you.
And what the hell was all that crap about that Barnsby bloke
against Woking anyway? Played when he wasn’t supposed to? So bloody what?!
In my day we used to play whenever we bloody well liked – just gave a different
name!! Prats. Too bloody honest – that’s the problem these days.
Anyway, what’s happened since then? It’s been a
couple of months… Oh that’s right – bloody nothing!! And we
haven’t won in bloody ages now have we? Course not. And who was that bloke
who played at Bedford the other day? Matt something or other. Twelve years old
if he was a day he looked to me. That’s no bloody good though is it? Experience
we need Sedgley – not youngsters who have to ask their mum if they can leave
the pitch at half-time!! I ask you.
Still I s’pose we’ve got that Sutton lot to look
forward to. We owe them after they bloody well ruined Christmas. All my fat nieces
and nephews were round but I had the perfect excuse didn’t I? “Got
to go to football Mrs B – sorry”. Course that Kelly bloke f***ed that
up didn’t he? Forgot to put a bloody cover on the pitch. What the hell was
he thinking? I ask you. He was probably p***ed anyway – normally is.
And what’s all this crap about a merger? I ask you. What’s
the bloody point of merging with Farnborough? If we’re gonna do it then
let’s bloody well do it right!! Kingston and England United, that’s
what I say. Well they play in red and white don’t they? And who knows, that
Billy Mead bloke might even get a game. He’s bloody useless that Neville
bloke!!
So anyway, I guess I’ll be at those Sutton games –
but only cos my fat nieces and nephews are coming again for Easter. And they always
want to sit on your bloody lap don’t they? The youngest one is nineteen
next month, but still he wants to bloody well sit on me. Cos I’m not going
for the football. No bloody way. Or the food. Food? Is that what they call it?
I ask you. Ask for a burger and you get a piece of crap in between two stale pieces
of crap. No wonder our crowds are so bloody low.
Still once this new lot buy the club everything’ll be
alright again won’t it? And if you believe that you’ll bloody well
believe anything. I tell you, Kingston and England United, it’s the only
way forward. Come on you K’s and E’s!!
back up top
|
|
PALMAM QUI MERUIT FERAT
There has been a bit of debate lately about the K's motto "Palmam
Qui Meruit Ferat" with the main area of debate being whether the first word
should end in an N or an M.
David Crawt took charge of the issue and emailed 'Septentrionale
Americanum Latinitatis Vivae Institutum' (SALVI). For those of you unfamiliar
with the Latin language, I would take a wild stab at saying that we could call
this organisation the 'North American Institute for Living Latin Studies'. Their
response not only clears the issue, but also gives a full understanding of the
club motto:
Your Latin phrase is the equivalent of the English "To
the victor belong the spoils." Its literal meaning is "Let him who has
earned the palm (i.e. of victory) carry it." In a somewhat more literary
vein we might say, "Let him who has proved worthy of the palm bear it away."
Victorious gladiators were sometimes given palm branches.
The first word should indeed be spelled "Palmam"
with an M rather than an N.
back up top
|
|
PLAYER OF THE YEAR
I've gone through this scenario before, of course. Come early
April, there's been no doubt in my mind. Player of the year is a foregone conclusion.
Who could forget my VERY public proclamation in 1993 that David Harlow's 30-yard
winning goal at home to Grays clinched the award for him that year (well, only
the 332 who were at the game... & even only those amongst that 332 who were
within earshot... oh, you know what I mean)? Only for (there's only one...) John
Finch to get the same number of votes. And I've long since become a Geoff Pitcher
bore in this regard. Remember last year when this self-same article began along
the lines of "Well, who's going to undeservedly beat Geoff Pitcher into second
place in THIS year's player of the year poll?" And remember how your collective
sense of irony completely failed you & you all voted for Derek Allan? So,
this year, no predictions. Not even anything along the lines of "this year's
award is even more of a foregone conclusion than the year when Andy Riley won
the vote by an innings." Just an evaluation of the year & the players
that have contributed to it.
Surprisingly, the number of players that have donned the hoops
in first team action this season hasn't been that many more than in most previous
ones. Despite the two distinctive eras (Williams & Sedgley/Harris) & despite
the fact that half the school population of the borough seems to have turned out
for us at one time or another. So evaluation wasn't as difficult as I first thought.
Indeed, summing up this season on the pitch has been relatively straightforward.
Horribly weak at full-back. Lots of hard work in midfield. But no goals. And three
or four thankfully prolific strikers. All allied to a tremendous spirit &
workrate regardless of ability.
Off the field, Steve Sedgley & Kim Harris have proved a
highly commendable young management team (Kim - at least a fiver for calling you
young?). There were mutterings at the start of the season that Steve Sedgley rather
than Bill Williams was the problem (mutterings to which I readily contributed,
I must confess). Ks fans behind the dugout on that oppressively hot day at Maidenhead
in August were alarmed at how their terrace rantings were quoted in such verbatim
fashion by the then coach. But subsequent events have proven us wrong. Sedgley
has proved something of an ambassador for the club, with his polite demeanor &
refusal to rant a la George Borg & others of that ilk attracting positive
comment from Ks & opposition fans alike. While the young Mr Harris (another
£5??) has clearly identified a lot of young talent over his years at Walton,
from which Ks have benefited greatly. And, more important still, has nurtured
that talent. A lot of the opposition to the Ks/Farnborough merger stemmed from
a desire among many Ks fans to see Steve & Kim work together in far more favourable
circumstances next season. "They deserve the chance" someone said after,
I think, the Bedford game last month. Amen to that.
On the pitch? Well, a mixed bag. Billy Mead has made the right
back position all his own. But you can only claim his form this season as an improvement
on last season if you bear in mind that his contribution to last season was to
get us chucked out of the Surrey Senior Cup by playing without registration. Two
goals, yes. But both thrown in by the goalkeepers. Mark Jones made a thrilling
match-winning contribution to the recent home game against Braintree. But unfortunately
that was the Mark Jones who was playing FOR Braintree. Our boy has tried hard.
But, apart from some not bad performances when he's played in a more advanced
midfield role, he's failed. And I'm afraid I'll remember him most for the way
he was laughing in the immediate aftermath, & I'm talking a couple of minutes
after the final whistle here, of the Brockenhurst defeat. Not an acceptable attitude,
I'm afraid. And whilst telling him in forthright, somewhat anglo-saxon, terms
at the time wasn't the right thing for ME to do, the wrong-doing was still majorly
his. Now if only we'd had a full-back of the calibre of, say, Colin Luckett on
our books then we'd... ah, hang on...
Our struggles at centre-back can best be summed up by how much
we've missed the far from convincing Peter Barnsby in recent weeks. "A good
player but..." was the review we got from Hampton fans in the close season.
And they were spot on. lndiscipline has been part of his game throughout the season.
As has lapses in concentration. But he has proved a positive influence on what
we have to call the even younger players at the back. The likes of Max Hustwick,
Shaun Thurgood, Eddie Duah & Leon White have looked more convincing alongside
Barnsby than when he's not played. I'm not sure what that says about them. But
I'm sure I'm not alone in looking forward to seeing how Matt Bradford might develop
by playing alongside him.
It came as a shock to some on reading the recently re-vamped
& improved matchday programme (that'll be a fiver, too, Robert Wooldridge)
that captain Dave Clarke has yet to get on the scoresheet at the time of writing
(Maundy Thursday). The one pleasing aspect of the pre-season was his long-range
shooting & scoring. But his form fell apart even more quickly than most others.
And once he did get back into his considerable, if bow-legged, stride, we were
reminded of his disciplinary problems, with his petulant sending-off at Woking
followed by the startling revelation in the following week's Surrey Comet that
"I've normally been sent off about five times by this stage of the season."
Expect a lively last few weeks of the season, then. Bashiru Alimi, the closest
name we've got to a Guardian misprint this year, has done a stout job under apparent
orders to play a holding role in centre midfield. At times, not surprisingly given
his youth & physique, some games have simply passed him by. And he does play
some games as if he'll be fined if he passes the ball more than ten yards. But
he's one good prospect to be filed under "next year, definitely." Danny
Bolt was a one-trick pony. And the trick wasn't much good. How he ever scored
26 goals for the team from Gander Green Lane we'll never know. They couldn't have
had THAT many penalties, surely. Whilst James Pinnock has also disappointed. Though
for fitness reasons largely beyond his control. You'd expect someone who started
over a dozen games for Gillingham in last year's Nationwide Division One to shine
at Ryman League level. Especially this year's league. Again, next year, definitely.
He's looking more & more like Geoff Pitcher with every game. And that can
be no bad thing. Craig Rocastle, meanwhile, is firmly in the "flatters to
deceive" category. He's got the skill. And the ability to be kicked five
foot up in the air & not even flinch. But you just cry out for him to ally
that to some sign of determination. Gravesend fans called him a "big time
Charlie." I hope they're wrong (& they DO like Steve McKimm, so there
IS hope). But I fear otherwise.
It's the lack of goals form midfield that has been the consistent
let-down. So it's been a stroke of luck that we've have had regular goals from
our strikers. This was to be the year that Ronnie Green was to at last fulfil
his potential. Only Geoff Chapple's reluctance to use him from the start (You
remember Geoff Chapple - the one whose fault ALL this is) held him back last year
after his dream display at Wembley in 2000. Well his starts per substitute appearance
ratio has remained firmly 1-to-2. But whilst he has occasionally looked the potential
star he's touted as (imagine if his agent had an involvement at the club... er...),
there have been times when he's looked off the pace in reserve games. And writing
this two days after THAT miss against Braintree doesn't help. But I still think
he's got it. Whatever "it" is. Greg Ball has inspired no such doubts
among the faithful. And only injury has stopped him reaching the 20-goal mark,
which is always the sign of a good striker. Especially in a struggling side. Many
feel the need to praise David Sadler in the same manner. Including this writer.
Sadler hasn't had the best of injury luck either. And has looked a little boy
lost when selected to play wide on the right. But some of the stick which has
come his way at times this season (especially from the self-styled "Che Guevara
Stand" - you know who you are) has reminded the older hands among us of the
abuse Francis Vines used to get while he scored 64 goals in two seasons ten years
ago. Stick to be dismissed now as then. Tim Sills, meanwhile, has been the icing
on the cake. I suppose at some stage we'll find out why Basingstoke didn't want
him. Nobody can be as good all the time as Sills was against Canvey &, more
recently, St. Albans, & play at THIS level for long. The prospect of him leading
the line with the likes of Ball, Sadler & Green fighting to partner him puts
next season firmly in the mind's eye already.
So, yes. A mixed bag. Bill Williams reign will go down as a
disaster, the likes of Steve McKimm, Stuart Munday & Danny Bolt will be stuff
of nightmares for a good while yet. But even those few disturbing weeks brought
us the likes of Pinnock, Clarke & Sadler who rank among the season's success
stories. And Canvey Island was simply the best display by a Ks side at Kingsmeadow
for YEARS. Potential champions. Beaten once every two blue moons. Handed out the
biggest 2-1 thrashing of their lives by the Ks. But given the context of the season,
it doesn't really matter what people like me think, or how we evaluate the going-on
on the pitch. Anyone but ANYone who has pulled on the hoops or the yellow in anger
this season has kept the very basis of this club going. For that, they ALL deserve
our heartfelt thanks.
ER... sorry, what's that you're saying?? ...What about Lance
Key??? Lance KEY???? Oh, Lance Key. Yeah. He's done Ok. I suppose.
Mark
back up top
|
|
WEAVING WITH BASH ALIMI
One of the few positives to come out of the season has been
the emergence of youngster Bashiru Alimi. WIAO caught up with him after the Maidenhead
game…
WIAO: Firstly Bash, how do you think the season has gone for
you personally?
BA: For me it's been quite a successful season really, especially after starting
off in the reserves. I broke into the first team, but as a team we have not done
as well as we had expected.
WIAO: Of Course, you came into the team under Bill Williams…
BA: That's right. I was sad to see him go really, but we have been lucky in having
Sedge as he is a good coach and manager.
WIAO: How has Sedgley done given the financial situation of
the club and everything going on off the pitch?
BA: Sedge as really coped brilliantly. The training sessions he had put on for
us sessions and all the things we have worked on in different areas of our game
He has done a top job.
WIAO: Going back, where were you before coming to the club?
BA: Last year I was an apprentice at Millwall but towards the end of the season
they released me. I got a phone call from Matt Beard (reserve team manager at
the time) asking if I wanted to play a couple of reserve games down here.
WIAO: How long were you with Millwall?
BA: From the age of 11, so when they released me at the age of 19 I was gutted
and my head was down, but I came here and have done alright and feel a lot better
for it.
WIAO: You came in for Dave Clarke, who was one of our big signings
over the summer. Did that bother you at all?
BA: I would say Clarke and McKimm (we don't like him - ed) were a couple of big
signings and so in pre-season I wasn't sure if I was going to get in, but fortunately
for me they didn't start the season too well and it went in my favour.
WIAO: What did Bill Williams say to you at that point as you
were trying to establish yourself in the side?
BA: He had seen me play for the reserves quite a few times and basically told
me just to play the same for the first team as I was doing in the reserves, and
luckily I did!
WIAO: How do you see the future of the club, obviously with
the situation off the pitch?
BA: All the players are concentrating promotion next season - whether we do it
or not is another thing. We obviously need to improve in certain areas.
WIAO: Which areas in particular?
BA: We can improve in all areas really. The back four, I suppose, needs a bit
more work. Happy with the front men as they've scored a fair few this season.
I think the midfield could score more goals - I've only got one this season and
perhaps we could improve the goal ratio.
WIAO: Are you disappointed with that particular aspect of your
game?
BA: Yeah I am actually.
WIAO: But to he fair to you, you are playing a defensive midfield
role.
BA: Sedge says to me that Clarkey likes to run with the ball and Rocky likes to
run a bit but that I don't so much, so he puts me in a slightly deeper role so
we don't get caught.
WIAO: Have you heard anything about the future of the club?
BA: Obviously there are always rumours flying around - like the Farnborough thing,
but I take most of it with a pinch of salt.
WIAO: How difficult has it been to keep your minds on the football?
BA: At times it has been, especially during the Farnborough talk - that was a
difficult period, but apart from that it's quite easy.
WIAO: You have mentioned Clarkey and Rocky. Who would be your
preferred partner in midfield?
BA: To be fair they are both quality players so I don't mind really.
WIAO: I thought you might sit on the fence on that one! You
said that the aim next year is for promotion, but what about your own ambitions?
BA: I would like to get back into the professional game, but I just want to do
my best for Kingstonian - I hope that I can go up with them and that would be
great.
Our thanks go to Bash for so readily talking to us.
back up top
|
|
3.00 Style Challenge.
2 teams of designers race to produce a new set of shirts for £39.99 each,
to be in the shops two months after the season has started. Sponsored by Grolsch.
4.00 The Price Is Right.
Game show. Just how quickly can the contestants strip Kingsmeadow's assets?
4.30 FILM: Return Of The Jedi.
In the 2nd part of this trilogy, Luke returns to the Promised Land, to find everything
is not as he remembers. Starring Matty Elverson.
6.30 Call My Bluff.
Game show where the audience members have to work out just who is really telling
the truth. This week's panel includes Graham Westley, Nick Hood, Chris Kelly,
Barry Gold, Alan Kingston, Malcolm Grant, Noel Verbruggen and Gerry Desler.
7.00 Where are they now?
Documentary following bad career moves of former stars. What did they do after
stepping out of the limelight. Featuring Andy Riley, Eddie Akuamoah and Phil Wingfield.
8.00 The Big Match.
Live soccer action from Old Trafford. Subsequent programmes may run up to 10 minutes
late, if Man Utd aren't winning.
10.00 Men Behaving Badly.
Tony gets upset when he's not getting his own way, while Gary takes the law into
his own hands. Starring Graham Westley and Barry Gold.
10.30 LATE NIGHT FILM: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly.
Starring Steve Sedgley, Graham Westley and....
back up top
|
20 GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE RYMAN
LEAGUE
1. You can get pineapple-burgers at Basingstoke
2. You can get penny-sweets at Hitchin
3. One day travelcards get you almost everywhere in the league
4. You can sing "shit ground, no fans" without (much) irony
5. You don't have to go to Kettering
6. Most grounds (except Kingsmeadow) cost about £6 to get in
7. You get to have a lie-in on Saturday mornings
8. You get home in time to go out or watch ITV's Plastic Premiership programme
on Saturday nights
9. You have one of the best grounds in the league
10. You don't have to put up with dirty Northerners chanting "Yorkshire,
Yorkshire"
11. You don't have to go to Birmingham six times a season
12. No segregation required
13. You don't have to use all your holiday entitlement from work by mid-March
just to go to midweek games
14. You don't have to put up with, Stevenage and Doncaster fans gloating about
how good they are, seemingly blind to the fact that in the past decade they have
won fuck all
15. You don't get complete strangers stopping you in the street (If you are wearing
a K's shirt) and telling you that "K's are having a good season (FA Cup)"
despite the imminent relegation
16. You aren't called "cockneys" by away fans
17. Nobody chants "where were you when you were shit" anymore
18. Our "local rivals" are actually local
19. You can do the sponsored walk again
20. You don't get ripped off at service stations because meal deals are at "participating
restaurants only"
20 BAD THINGS ABOUT THE RYMAN LEAGUE
1. 100 word match reports in the NLP
2. 3 Figure crowds
3. You don't get change of £10 for 4 pints (£1.50 a pint at Southport
anybody?)
4. You have to qualify (properly) for the FA Cup
5. You have to go to Gander Green Lane
6. You are considered on a par with Purfleet and Hendon
7. You are unlikely to get a voice over the proposed restructuring of the pyramid
8. On Sky Sports all we get is a little top of the table box in the corner once
in a while
9. Hampton actually think they are better than us
10. It always seems to be raining
11. You have to go to Essex six times a season
12. There are no "new grounds" to look forward to visiting (I'm still
waiting on bleedin' Heybridge - ed)
13. Rush hour travel to midweek games bears the options of either being crushed
against the side of a train carriage or sitting in a huge traffic jam
14. You have to listen to Aldershot moaning that they are "too big for this
league" because they have a "large supporter base" seemingly blind
to the fact that in their entire history they have won fuck all
15. You can't sing "Oh South London…" because most of the teams
in the league have more of a claim to being South London than we do
16. You can't accuse anybody of Welsh
17. Ceefax seems to know the Underground network inside out and tells you (20
times) how to get to away grounds citing 10 reasons why the Bakerloo line is better
than the Circle line but not as fast as the Victoria line, whilst waving in a
manner as if trying to take off
18. You can't do any weekenders any more
19. The M25 does get pretty boring
20. The football is crap!
back up top
|
|
MOONLIGHTING
Lance Key
http://sports.yahoo.com/mls/players/6/668/
Lance finds himself taking full advantage of the new FIFA ruling stating you can
actually play for two clubs, buy lending his services to the Colorado Rapids.
In an attempt to make the game more interesting, the Major League Soccer have
done away with 'keepers, allowing Lance to play in his best position, on the left
side of the defence. Obviously a Key (pun fully intended) player, he is rostered
in at number 3.
Dave Clarke
http://www.daveclarke.com/
We all know what this man is capable of on the pitch, but how many of you knew
that his silky moves are also transferred onto the dance floor. As a top DJ, Dave
appears at top gigs all over the world. He is a true entertainer.
Peter Barnsby
http://www.scumble-goosie.co.uk/barnsby.html
Artistic Peter specialises in hand-painting his original and unique designs onto
furniture and other wooden products. His work is inspired by both fauna and flora
together with classical and traditional designs from across the world. His fine
art work enhances any room and blends well with modern and antique furniture.
Peter is always looking for new custom, and we are able to reveal that he is offering
a 10% discount to all supporters club members. He is able to take your specific
design requirements and transform them into a unique and original piece of functional
art.
Ronnie Green
http://www.muaythaionline.net/news/woodyseminar.html
Don’t let his size fool you, Ronnie is actually one of the leading figures
in the Thai martial art; Muay Thai. He has just been appointed Simingdam Camp’s
senior instructor. The discipline has taught him much self-control, which is plain
for all of us to see on the football pitch.
David Sadler
http://www.geography.dur.ac.uk/information/official_sites/ds.html
Dave has to be one of the most committed players in non-league football, after
all, how may other players would you find driving all the way down from Durham
each weekend, just to play semi-professional football? With his PhD in geography,
Dave can often be found lecturing at the fine institution that is The University
Of Durham. Dr. Sadler is a well-travelled man, leading expeditions as far a field
as Australia.
Jonathan Leacock
http://cs.sfsu.edu/jobs/ebb/09.22.00.02.html
Kids these days, eh? At the age of 17, Jon has already shown that he has the technical
nouse to take up a leading role at an up-and-coming communications company. He
puts the K's webmasters to shame.
Greg Ball
http://www.jesus.org.uk/dawn/2001/dawn36.html
In his spare time, Greg is a member of 'Morning Star Ministries', a church-planting
mission agency. He is particularly active in reaching sportspeople for Christ,
through his footballing links. Greg doubles up as a spiritual healer, and is in
fact currently being scouted by Glenn Hoddle to replace Eileen Druery. Unfortunately,
Winger’s problems were just a bit too much for Greg to tackle.
Mark Jones
http://www.urbangroove.com.au/trashvideo/Rental_catalogue4.htm
http://www.xxxmoviestore.fm/Products/BLACK_PEARL.htm
Mark Jones proves that is really is always the quiet ones, starring in such sexploitation
films as "Keep It Up Jack!". Ever willing to try out something new,
Mark has recently joined the elite of the porn industry with 'Hot Asian Nymphos'
going for 'big Black Beef Steak to satisfy their erotic hungers!!' (this Black
Pearl video is now retailing at a very reasonable $29.95). Steve Sedgley recently
confirmed that Mark is excluded from the no-sex-the-night-before-a-match ban.
Ollie
back up top
|
|
A CLOSE CALL
Sport has an amazing capacity for producing defining moments
in history. The dividing line between success and failure is so thin as to be
infinitesimal. From hero to villain in the blink of an eyelid. A close call can
change your life forever.
Picture the scene: Old Trafford, 6th October 2001, at about
16.55pm. A young man vilified by millions and the object of unbelievable jealousy
from others, steps up to take a free kick. The Nation’s football fans, many
of whom are so convinced of England’s success that they have already booked
flights to Japan, hold their breath. The Nation’s hopes are rapidly disappearing.
We are losing 2-1 to Greece when all we had to do was turn up to go through. Cometh
the moment, cometh the man. We all know the rest. England is through and David
Beckham is a national hero. Ironically, on the day he is announced as the Sportswriters
“Sportsman of the Year” Alex Ferguson drops him. Then four days later
he is voted as the BBC’s “Sports Personality of the Year” as
Alex drops him again. Isn’t life strange?
Imagine at this moment in the 94th minute how the Germans must
have felt having only drawn with Finland. My company works closely with a German
partner and for weeks I had been telling him that England would win. OK, I don’t
often get things right but I was pretty convinced of this but not by this score.
After the game I phoned, emailed and texted our partners, not to gloat of course
but to offer my sincere commiserations. Yeah, believe that and you will believe
anything. Anyway, not a peep for a week. But after that, a torrent of congratulations.
Seriously! Many Germans see the defeat as a wake up call and are sure that they
will come out of it stronger. A sort of victory from a defeat? Rather reminiscent
of some supporters’ perception of K’s relegation.
Another 94th(?) minute goal, which caused equal consternation
to some, mainly those from Surrey, was scored at Bristol on the 27th January 2001.
K’s were leading Bristol City 1-0 thanks to a superb individual goal from
Phil Wingfield. Although the K’s goal resembled the Battle of the Alamo,
the score remained at 1-0 amidst a crescendo of encouraging whistles to the referee.
These were not whistles of approval, just an urgent request to end the b….y
game. Anyway, next minute. Bang! Up steps Tony Thorpe and shatters the dreams
of the K’s players and supporters alike. I would seem to have been alone
in thinking that Graham Poll got the timing just right. I also thought that he
handled the game brilliantly giving encouragement where necessary and a ticking
off when required. Before the game we would all have bitten hands off if offered
a 1-1 draw. However having been so close to paradise, afterward we all felt a
little bit cheated. Probably again just like the Germans, but then they do seem
to find paradise fairly frequently particularly when paradise is furnished with
deck chairs.
We all know what happened thereafter to the K’s. Relegation,
financial ruin, the loss of BFG, and the installation of the nice, but out of
his fiscal depth, Bill Williams. Perhaps David Beckham does have golden balls
after all. Mind you, at the time of writing, Steve Sedgley is doing a great job
and maybe K’s will come out of it stronger. We may even have new owners
by the time of publication. Hopefully not Graham Westley.
If I can beg your indulgence, I would like to recall a couple
of other personal, not so close calls. The first of these occurred when I used
to perform, the term used in its loosest sense, in the Kingston & District
Football League in the mid 60’s. I had joined a club called Weston Green,
near the Scilly Isles (Esher) for those with dubious local geographical knowledge.
A young lad who did not play football but liked organising had started the club.
He had negotiated with the local pub to use their outside toilets as a changing
room, and rented the pitch from the local golf club. This really p…..d off
the golfers. On a Saturday afternoon we could be seen carrying the goal posts
across the Hampton Court Road in our bright orange shirts, frantically avoiding
the traffic, and erecting them prior to the game. Ok when you win but a real bind
when you get beaten. Did you know that a torch shone through an orange vest shows
red? Particularly useful on the railways as a warning to oncoming trains. However
as there are so few trains now, probably no longer essential. Not really sure
why I said that. Senile dementia?
The game that I would like to recall was a top of the table
clash, Division 3 I think, between the mighty Weston Green and Graham Spicer.
I never knew where their name came from but they had eleven players, so presumably
they were all called Graham. At the time of the game they were top of the league
and we were obviously somewhere below. During a frenetic first half we scraped
an early goal and then held on to 1-1 up to half time. We left the pitch to get
our oranges, full of optimism. I was never quite sure what happened next. Perhaps
all the Grahams woke up, but by full time we had lost 16-1. An amazing fifteen
goals in one half. The ref.’s pencil broke and he ran out of paper, the
Manager had a coronary and the club’s mascot shot itself. I did say shot!
This represents a goal every three minutes. Hardly even time to get back to the
centre spot before the keeper was collecting the ball from the back of the net
once again. Believe it or not he was also a very good goalkeeper who went on to
have trials with Fulham. I think he probably left this score off his CV though!
My second character forming “close call” occurred
at school with the school cricket team. I attended college in Leatherhead, the
same one that Chris Kelly went to but please don’t hold that against me.
Sorry Chris! Not sure if it is relevant but it was later turned into an old folks
home. At the time we had just started a school cricket team and our teacher who
obviously had delusions of grandeur arranged a friendly(?) with Ewell Castle school.
On a bright summer’s day we lost the toss and the opposition were sent into
bat. We were very naive at the time having never played a proper match before.
However we were keen and our whites glowed beautifully against the sun lit sky.
After a couple of hour’s sweat in the field, and with the score at 256 for
1, our enthusiasm was rapidly on the wane. When put into bat, we managed the salutary
score of 12 all out. The highest score I think was 4 and that was probably an
inside edge. Not really the closest call you will ever witness.
So it is all character forming is it? Well they can stuff it.
I would rather not get thrashed and retain my character as it is. I am a very
happy winner and a reasonably cheerful loser. But not when the scores are totally
polarised. As I said, a thin dividing line between success and failure. However
my two failures equate to a dividing line the width of the Grand Canyon.
Rory
back up top
|
|
5 REASONS WHY I SUPPORT THE K'S
People do wonder why I support Kingstonian as well as my hometown
club Watford, and there are several reasons why the club appeals to me - Andy
Carbs
Firstly, my Grandad used to watch the K’s years and years
ago. He used to work as a domestic painter and when I was younger he used to tell
me about how he used to watch the K’s when he used to finish work on a Saturday
afternoon. Going to Kingstonian is a way for me to tip my hat to the old man and
perhaps see something in the team as he did. My first match was in 1999 in a friendly
against those polish powerhouses Widzew Lodz and I enjoyed it thoroughly and then
I saw what he saw in the club.
Secondly, while I was at university in Strawberry Hill I found
myself at a loss on Saturday afternoons and not being able to get back to Watford
every week I found myself looking at Kingstonian and Hampton as my local teams.
Hampton, though was a little too quiet for me and there is the atmosphere of a
morgue down there, unlike Kingstonian who at the time had at least 10 times the
atmosphere and unlike Hampton, Kingstonian have 1 or 2 good looking females going
to watch them or go to their quiz nights ha ha.
Thirdly, the friendliness of the people at the club. The club
may play in one of the roughest areas in Kingston and may well be in administration,
but I’ve found that the people at the club from the bar manager, to the
tea bar workers to the fanzine seller and editor to the club shop manager, to
the ticket sellers, and to the fans themselves are amongst the friendliest in
the non-league circuit. To me it would not only be a travesty but a heartbreaking
loss if Kingstonian lost its football club. I also think that it would be an immense
loss to the town.
Fourthly, Kingston reminds me a lot of home in Watford. What
with it’s one way system, its high rise buildings on the edge of town, being
on the edge of the county and having a couple of dodgy night clubs in the town
centre. I think the similarities are uncanny. As for the clubs well Watford is
one division below the Premiership, and Kingstonian is only one division below
the non-league Premiership, the conference. I think my good friend Dave Meagre
said it best when he said watching Kingston is like being at home.
Fifthly, there is something about the atmosphere and mystique
of Kingsmeadow that you don’t get with many other clubs. When you walk down
Jack Goodchild Way on a matchday it is like you can almost smell the atmosphere
of the ground. Once you step through those turnstiles and into Kingstonian it’s
as if you’re watching history in the making and you can physically feel
the emotion of every fan in the ground. I remember watching Kingstonian beat Sutton
6-0 a few years ago in the FA Trophy and with every goal the Kingstonian fans
got louder and more emphatic. Forget about your San Siro’s or your Old Trafford’s
or you Nou Camp’s that night was as electric as they come
I personally think now you can understand why I support the
club lets hope there still is one here this time next year and for years to come.
Come on you K’s!
Andy Carbs
back up top
|
|
HITCHIN' TO BEDFORD
With K’s being back in a regional league, and me still
being in Sheffield, I have found myself not being able to get to as many games
as I did last year, or in fact in any season since I started supporting the hoops.
At the start of the season, with map in hand, I found myself
facing the grim reality that Bedford was the closest game from my trendy suburbs
of S11.
March approached fast, and as usual, I was Jonny Skint, but,
as I said, Bedford was my closest game, I had to at least make the effort. Unfortunately,
the £3.50 I received from selling a kidney was not enough to fill my car
with petrol, or get a train ticket.
A drunken night with a few United (of the Sheffield variety)
fans brought about the idea of hitchhiking, and you know how it is, after a few,
it seemed a great idea!
So, at 5am on 16th March, I found myself hesitantly getting
out of my nice warm bed, to venture out into the cold, dark, wet world that is
Sheffield before the sun rises (and quite often after the sun rises). I took one
step outside and decided there wasn’t a chance that I was going to hitch
all the way; even by South Yorkshire standards, this was a gloomy day. From explorations
down the backs of sofas, and under my bed, I managed to salvage almost £5,
so I drove straight to the petrol station to put some fuel in the car. Still keen
on the idea of hitching (just with as little stress as possible) I decided that
the best thing was probably to drive to Woodall services, the first services I
come to on the M1, about 10 miles south of Sheffield. This ended up being a big
mistake, as I had to pay another £5 to park my car there for the day.
By 6am, I was standing at the end of Woodall services, wrapped
up in every item of clean clothing I had, with a sign saying ‘M1: SOUTH’
in one hand, and my thumb sticking out with the other. I had planned the day well
in my head, leaving quite generous waiting times, so it was a great surprise to
me when I caught my first lift at only 6.30.
“Where’s tha goin’, like?” the unmistakable
Geordie accent greeted me,
“As close to Bedford, or Toddington services as you can get me!”
“Well ‘op in, like, I’ll drop tha off at junction fourdeen.”
I stepped up into the cab of a brand new truck with all the
trimmings. The driver had been on the road since 3, and was on his way to Milton
Keynes. He wasn’t allowed to pick people up, but understandably, was very
bored. The usual pleasantries followed, where you from, where you going, and,
of course, who do you support (interestingly, we found out each others whole life
stories without even exchanging names). Now, when I asked the driver who he supported,
I thought I heard him reply Chelsea, but didn’t question it as I just presumed
I’d heard wrong, but when he started talking about Zola and Wise, I realised
I hadn’t misheard, he really did support Chelsea. A born and bred Geordie,
supporting Chelsea all his life, now I really have seen it all. Conversation was
easy; football talk flowed as he told me of his days playing for Folkestone Invicta
whilst working on the Channel Tunnel (they were still in the Kent League in them
days), and the real reasons why none of the northeast clubs have any money (but
we won’t go into that here).
After looking at my map, I thought it was best if I got out
at Newport Pagnell services (just one service stop away from Toddington), as it’s
far easier to hitch from a service station than a slip road, and slightly less
illegal.
I arrived at Newport Pagnell at 8.45, and after a quick look
around, I was back at the end of a service station with a thumb. This time, as
well as my initial sign, I decided to add my ‘BEDFORD’ sign to the
equation. At 9.40, I saw a mini-bus driving towards me. It looked packed, so I
didn’t even bother sticking my thumb out, but they stopped anyway. It turned
out to be a busload of postie activists on their way down to London for the demonstration
against the privatisation of the Post Office. I think they thought I was one of
them! Anyhow, I filled the last space in their van, and explained that I only
needed taking as far as the next services; Toddington. Every single one of them
looked exactly like your stereotypical tree-hugging-anti-capitalism-vegetarian-dope-smoking
hippy activist, the lad next to me even said, “There’s a Socialist
Alliance conference on as well in London today, and we’re hoping to make
that too.” His not being into football was a bit of a stumbling block, but
I was perfectly happy to talk about unions and such with him, whilst listening
to drugged up hippy music. Quite an experience!
I was dropped off at Toddington by 10, a whole five hours before
kick-off. Now I had a dilemma. If you look at your map, you’ll see that
Toddington is not far from Bedford, so my first option was to hitch up there,
and onto the A-roads. Alternatively, I could wait here for the travelling hoards
from Kingston to come and pick me up. With the sun out, and a lovely patch of
grass facing me, I had to choose the latter option. I went into the service station
to buy a paper and a pen to do the crossword with, only to find that there were
no pens. Still, The Sun had a most amusing story about a man who had sexual relations
with a goat.
At about 1.30, the cavalry arrived in the form of Mr. Murray
(junior) and co. After a brief Burger King, we made the short and easy trip to
the New Eyrie for the main event. The match was about all I expected. Tim Sills
impressed me on this, the first time I’d seen him in the mighty hoops. If
only he’d got a bit more power behind a few of those headers.
With the rain starting to come down in the 2nd half, the prospect
of my hitching wasn’t looking too appealing, but a half-time chat with another
White Rose exile – the one and only Rory Stanbridge - ensured me a lift
all the way back to Woodall services. Ta very much! OK, this may have been cheating
– but you try standing in the rain knowing full well you’re not going
to get home for at least another five hours!
So, by 8pm, 15 hours since getting up, I was back at home,
having got all the way to Bedford and back, watched my beloved K’s, bought
a proggie and had some food, all for under £13. A day very well spent.
Ollie
back up top
|
|
|
