Weaving In And Out

ISSUE - 01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20

Issue 6

Issue 06

01 - front cover
02 -
03 - editorial
04 -
05 - cuttings
06 - letters
07 -
08 - interview with chopper harris
09 -
10 - the other surrey club
11 - idiots guide to the conference
12 - k's dictionary 2000
13 - thats me lad
14 - you're having a laugh referee
15 - all roads lead south (west)
16 -
17 - viva football (advert)
18 - alt end of season awards
19 -
20 - the a-z of going to wembley
21 - those other matches
22 -
23 - referee
24 - back cover

 

INTERVIEW WITH MARK HARRIS

On Easter Monday, following our 1-0 victory over Dover, WIAO caught up with K's stalwart centre back, Mark Harris who spilled the beans on the Swansea / Cardiff rivalry, George Weah and the smell of Simon Stewart's trainers.

WIAO: We don't really know a lot about you, fill us in on your previous career.
MH: The last team I played for was Cardiff, a season there. Before that two years at Gillingham, six years at Swansea and I started my careers at Crystal Palace 10 years ago.

WIAO: You played for Cardiff and Swansea, obviously there is a big rivalry between the two…
MH: Yeah that's right. Having spent six years at Swansea, you don't expect to play for the other south Wales club, but at the end of the day, football is my living and I was quite happy there.

WIAO: Did you play against each other?
MH: Yeah, there were a couple of local derbies. I missed one through suspension, but I played in one, the one at Cardiff I think was the first time they let the away fans in. The last few years they haven't allowed away fans because of police warnings and the cost of having the police there. It was a bit hostile, but I'm old enough and wise enough not to let it bother me.

WIAO: Why drop down to the conference, and why Kingstonian?
MH: Well...I'm getting on a bit, obviously Cardiff didn't want my services anymore. The conference is a good standard of football. I wanted to carry on playing, I feel I've still got a few years left in me! I went to Hayes at the start of the season, trained with them a couple of times, but I think Kingstonian have the potential. Also money talks a little bit, Kingstonian offered me a few more pounds, but I'm enjoying it.

WIAO: What are Simon Stewart and Matt Crossley like both on and off the field?
MH: They're both big and strong. Basically the team is the same as the one which won the Ryman League, obviously the likes of Simon and myself have come in, we've gelled well together. Off the pitch I don't really socialise that much, but they are two good lads who give 100% for Kingstonian, just like myself.

WIAO: Which type of striker do you enjoy playing against, the big physical type, or the tricky winger?
MH: The bigger the better. Sometimes you get the little winger jumping underneath you, smashing you in the chin, even running through you're legs if they're small enough! I definitely prefer playing against the 6ft plus guys.

WIAO: Who has been your toughest opponent?
MH: Toughest opponent?...Well, they're all pretty tough. I can't think at the moment, going back years with Swansea, we played Liverpool in the FA Cup. Ian Rush scored a hatrick against me. I've also played in the Cup Winners Cup against Monaco. A guy called George Weah scored a hatrick against me that day as well.

WIAO: That's a bit of a claim to fame.
MH: We got stuffed 8-0 in Monaco. I don't think we even got out of our own half, let alone get a corner, but it's an experience I've had as a professional, and you can't take that away.

WIAO: Is there anything else you would like to achieve before you finally hang up your boots?
MH: With that lucky medallion, Geoff Chapple, at the club, it would be nice to go to another Wembley final. I've been to Wembley with Swansea in the Auto Windscreens, but to go to the Trophy final with Kingstonian would be great.

WIAO: What is Geoff like as a manager?
MH: Geoff is very good at motivating players, his man management is excellent and obviously he has an eye for players, like myself! He tries to bring good players in that will gel, he has to know how to do that. He lets Ian McDonald get on with the coaching, but he is always there casting his eye over us. So all in all, he's not bad.

WIAO: Who do you room with on away trips and what is his most annoying habit?
MH: Simon Stewart I tend to go with, smelly trainers more than anything!

WIAO: Finally Mark, if you could describe yourself in five words, what would they be?
MH: Big, clumsy and too nice.

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K'S DICTIONARY 2000

As we approach a new millennium, we thought that the new dictionary should include some of the following words or sayings:

Aliism: To say something which is idiotic, or makes no sense, and then try and deny it.

Cheerleader: See Kappa Slappa.

Chopper: (1) Slang term for helicopter. (2) Mark Harris.

Dulwich: (1) A sad London based Ryman League club. (2) The act of "doing a Dulwich." This is to question opposing fans of a team languishing near the foot of the table, but winning at the time, "Where are you in the league?" The reply will come, "What’s the score?" to which you reply, "Where are you in the league?" Beware of anger.

Er-er: A reference to centre back Simon Stewart. Originates from his song.

Gangrene Lane: Home of Sutton United.

Grey Scum: Term used for Neil Grayson.

Hunter, Karen: Someone who marks out a victim from afar, then (if plied with alcohol) will strike, leaving her victim to become just another statistic.

Judas: Someone who deserts his friends for the price of a round of drinks, he then scorns his old adversaries at every opportunity.

Kappa Slappa: See issue 5.

Lennie: To miss something horribly.

May 15th: Soon to be a historic day in Kingstonian’s history.

Messiah, The: Geoff Chapple.

Mickey Mouse: (1) Cartoon character, (2) Appears many times in the trophy cabinets of non-league football teams.

Pattoism: Derived from Gary Patterson. The act of arriving high and late, endangering the health of anybody in the way, and getting away with it.

Scum: (1) Woking, (2) Sutton, (3) Neil Grayson (see also Grey Scum).

Sheepshagger: (1) Yeovil fan, (2) Basically anyone not from Kingston.

Slapper: See Hunter.

Wanker: (1) Someone who wanks, (2) Neil Grayson (3) The coach driver back from Cheltenham.

Welsh: (1) The butt of all jokes, (2) People from Hereford, (3) People from Cheltenham.

Wem-ber-lee: Slang for Wembley Stadium.

Woe-full: Another Surrey club.

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THE A-Z OF GETTING TO WEMBLEY

A is for alcohol, much will be consumed.

B is for Brazil, it’s just like watching.

C is for Chapple’s magic.

D is for David Leworthy, going to Wembley for the first time.

E is for Eddie, he scored our first Trophy goal on the way to Wembley.

F is for Forest Green, here we come.

G is for goals, we’ve scored 18 so far and we’re not gonna stop.

H is for happiness at going to Wembley.

I is for is that all you take away?

J is for Jack, wish you could be there.

K is for Kettering, you were top of the league, and we still beat you.

L is for league, which we don’t care about anymore.

M is for May 15th, had it planned since the beginning of the season, honest!

N is for Neil Grayson, you’re not going to Wembley, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

O is for one team in Surrey.

P is for prize fund, £10,000 if we win it.

Q is for Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be, we’re going to Wem-ber-lee...

R is for rowdy fans all the way to Wembley and back.

S is for Steve Book, cheers for letting in all those goals.

T is for Trophy, which we’re gonna win.

U is for urinal, we’ll sure be needing them.

V is for victory!

W is for weaving in and out all the way to Wembley.

X is for Xtra time, which we haven’t needed so far.

Y is for yahoo, we’re going to Wembley.

Z is for zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, the sleeping we’ll be catching up on for weeks.

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