Weaving In And Out

ISSUE - 01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20

Issue 5

Issue 05

01 - front cover
02 -
03 - editorial
04 -
05 - this time last year
06 - happy birthday to us
07 -
08 - a gross injustice
09 - you're having a laugh referee
10 - idiots guide to the conference
11 -
12 - hopping along, singing a song
13 -
14 - the oxygen we breathe
15 -
16 - life and times of gavin holligan
17 -
18 - beware of the kappa slappa
19 - paying the penalty
20 -
21 - sutton greeting
22 - statto
23 - how to titter-tatter
24 - back cover

 

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF... GAVIN HOLLIGAN

At the beginning of the season, Geoff Chapple claimed to have bought the new Michael Owen, a very bold statement from a manager of his experience. An 18 year old by the name of Gavin Holligan had arrived. Here we talk you through his goals:

  1. His first goal, a late winner after coming off the bench against Doncaster, chasing a hopeful ball, outpacing the defence and poking the ball past an experienced and quality keeper in Neville Southall.
  2. Again as a substitute, 4-0 down against Farnborough he scrambled one in from a corner and....
  3. ...minutes later scored an absolute blinder 30 yards out, like an arrow into the back of the net. His stats read 0 appearances, 3 goals. People were starting to take note.
  4. That performance earned him his full debut with little impact, but when relegated back to the bench he once again proved his worth at home to Barrow. Holding on to a slim 2-1 lead, he came on to coolly sidefoot home Scott Corbett’s drag back...
  5. ...then scored a superb header from Mustafa’s cross. After the match, Gavin said, "The manager told me not to disappoint and I think I could have had a hatrick. I feel I can play better than that."
  6. Three days later he was at it again in Farnborough, latching onto a through ball to score.
  7. Reports of scouts from Tottenham and Nottingham Forest in the local press, but Gavin does not let this effect him on his K’s FA Cup debut, scoring another Farnborough-esque screamer.
  8. His second of the match was a clever chip over the keeper, which most K’s fans behind the goal missed as the sun was in our eyes.
  9. The next round of the FA Cup saw probably his best goal. In the replay against St. Albans, a chest trap, turn and instant volley into the top corner. True genius.
  10. As the scouts gather (Man City had now been added to the list) he shows a maturity beyond his years with another well taken goal at Southport.
  11. 18 out of 20 Premiership teams had representatives watching Holligan as he bundles K’s into the second round proper of the FA Cup.
  12. 2-0 down against Orient and Holligan hands us a life line, but it wasn’t to be. We lost 2-1, and Gavin moved on to West Ham.

FACTS:

  • Gavin Holligan scored 56 goals for Walton youth side last year, more than any other team’s total.
  • Gavin’s dad has never missed a match which Gavin has played in.
  • Gavin started as a midfielder, but whilst playing for his borough, an injury to the striker forced the manager to put Gavin up front. He then scored all the goals in a 2-0 victory.
  • Gavin turned down a musical scholarship at a top London university to play football.
Gavin will be the 9th Kingstonian player (we could find) to go to the football league from us, the others being:
  • C Nastri (Crippled Alice)
  • H Lindsay (Southampton)
  • G Still (Brighton)
  • D Byrne (Gillingham)
  • J Power (Brentford)
  • J Ndah (Torquay)
  • G Pitcher (Colchester)
  • D Hooper (Peterborough)

QUOTE, UNQUOTE:

  • On his first goal, against Donny: "When the ball came over and I saw Neville Southall off his line I said to myself; no, no, no, Nev, you’re not having that."
  • On his long distance goal at Maidenhead: "I saw the keeper off his line and I knew there was a strong wind, so I just hit it."
  • On the interest in him: "I just want to enjoy my football and keep my feet on the ground."

Thank you Gavin and good luck. We all wish you the best of success.

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BEWARE OF THE KAPPA SLAPPA!

This is an official WIAO warning! If you see any Kappa Slappas, do not approach them, as they may be dangerous. What is a Kappa Slappa? A Kappa Slappa is a worryingly increasing breed of girl aged between 12 and 14 who tend to hang around Kingston town centre. Last year we found some in Boreham Wood, but now we have found they have been spreading as far as Northwich.

What are the signs of Kappa Slappas?

  • Will say things like, "I ain’t talking to her coz..."
  • Stands outside newsagents asking innocent passers by to buy them "20 Bensons."
  • Wears ‘Kappa’ jumpers and tracksuits bottoms or black leggings.
  • Has a fat arse.
  • Probably called ‘Katrina,’ ‘Chelsea,’ ‘Abbey,’ or ‘Tracy.’
  • Spends the evenings "dan va park drinkin Dimun White."
  • Likely to say "innit" a lot.

The most worrying sign is that they are now starting to branch out and we have reports of large groups in Maidenhead town centre. You Have Been Warned!!!

Warning brought to you by Tricky Dicky Enterprises Ltd, part of the Twonga Enterprise Group.

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PAYING THE PENALTY - A NIGHT (NOT) TO REMEMBER

We've had another good FA Cup run this year, indeed we deserved to be beating Southport in the 3rd Round the other week. The events of this article happened after the 4th Qual Round Replay at home to treeless St Albans, where we were taken to penalties. Not renowned for our penalty taking exploits, we feared cup elimination. However, after some fine penalties (and save) we had won our first ever penalty shoot-out, Onwards we marched, but some of us were made to march longer than others…

With the replay being during my university term-time on a Tuesday night, I had travelled by train from Southampton to Surbiton. With the game ending late, and a couple of drinks later, I knew that I was pushing it to make the last train. Fortunately for me Robbie was good enough to offer me a lift to Surbiton station, Rich and Tim followed suit. Tim was clever enough (note sarcastic tone) to direct Robbie to turn right out of Kingsmeadow, and so we had to go straight to his place in Tolworth, as opposed to going VIA Surbiton. I now had under 20 mins to make my train.

Rich assured us that he knew a quick way from the 'suburbs of Tolworth' to Surbiton. This 'amazingly quick' way, turned out to be back towards New Maiden on the A3, and then towards Worcester Park, turning onto the A3 there. As Surbiton is not on the A3 we unsurprisingly ended up in Tolworth, back at square one just about. Rich still believes that he had cut off a huge chunk.

We had turned towards the direction of Worcester Park at New Maiden roundabout and Robbie was 'driving fast' so that I could make my train. Soon we saw flashing blue lights behind us. Rich pointed out that Robbie "really wanted to stop". Robbie had been slightly distracted as he was busy lighting up. Robbie was breathalised (negatively) and we were asked about the game we had just been to. The policemen upon asking us this question were flooded with information, such as when Gary Patterson's first illegal tackle was. Obviously convinced that we weren't lying we were let on our way. Robbie was no longer able to 'drive fast', and this made things slightly difficult as there were now about 5 minutes left to the train. Somehow we just made it to the station in time, and I managed to jump onto the train as it was leaving.

I was in the comfort of knowing that the last train from Surbiton to Southampton does not require a change at Woking, and there were no 'change here for...' messages from the driver, who was probably asleep. Expecting to be going through the normal stations I was somewhat puzzled when the next stop was Worplesdon, Presuming it to be the late night route I didn't panic. However, about 10 minutes later when the train actually terminated at Guildford, I just knew that it wasn't going to be my night. Turns out it wasn't the last train - that left at 01:30 - so I DID need to change at Woking.

When I asked the guard how to get back to Woking or Surbiton, expecting a platform number, his response was, "taxi". With only 4p and a train ticket in my pocket I knew that I was f*cked. Not fancying spending the night somewhere in Guildford I had to find 'any' train. Indeed there was only one more train that night, to Portsmouth. At least I knew that their station had a nice cosy hall to kip in as opposed to the dump that I was in.

Got to Portsmouth at 01:30. Unfortunately the guard wanted to lock up the station, and I wasn't allowed to stay. The sympathy and customer care of South West Trains really showed through that night. As it was I spent the next 4 hours simply wandering the streets of Portsmouth, taking the odd break from the biting cold in phoneboxes. I upgraded and found a useful photobooth outside the station in which I sat for a couple of hours, reading my away programmes, as there obviously isn't much content in our home ones.

I was so pleased to catch the first train to Southampton. Some train guard checked everyone's tickets at the station, yes, all four of us at 05:30. He said that mine would be fine. However, once on my train this sheep-shagging Dave Jones lookalike t*sser of an inspector on the train said "no" to my ticket. He informed me that as it was a Young Persons it would not be valid until 09:30, and that my ticket was for the Woking route to Southampton and not the Guildford way. I explained what had happened and how no-one had told me to change the night before, leaving me to wander the streets through the night. He didn't want to know. I'd withdrawn a tenner for a cab back from Southampton station, and I needed it, as he asked for £6 for the fare, funny thing was I got a Young Persons discount to £4. F*cking hypocrite.

Not pleased at all. Finally got to Halls and to sleep at 07:00. Woke up at 16:00, having missed all lectures. Could (should) have just stayed at home in Kingston. This isn't going to happen to me again, I'll make sure.

Ali

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